Like most of us, I watch The Walking Dead. It’s based
partially on my love for the horror genre and my desire to absorb anything AMC
does into my system. I remember the days prior to the series premiere and the
high hopes I had for this new show.
I mean, it’s Zombies. How can they go wrong?
Well, now I know.
Before you read any further, if you’re not caught up on the
series… and by caught up I mean haven’t watched every episode that’s fricken
aired… then read no further. Unless my writing is so damn titillating that you
just can’t resist.
Now with that, here’s everything I deem crappy about The
Walking Dead.
I could go season by season and tear apart characters, story
lines, logic even when it’s Zombie related but I won’t
Wait... I will. Somewhat.
But not in that order.
I’d like to get to the dead meat of the conversations and talk Zombies.
Let’s see if some questions can be answered? First off, can they run or can’t
they? Because I’ve seen them sprint in episodes. Rick barely escaped running
Zombies in the first season, now you’d have to be a toddler to get captured. At
what point did the writers take off the Zombie’s Nikes and decide it was time
to stick to the name of the show?
Can you get infected by blood or not? Let’s go back to
season one. “Don’t get their blood on you” Rick says as he’s covered with safety
gear to trick the scent-capturing Zombies.
[Note – Rick also said he’d one day tell his wife and family
the name of the Zombie they chopped up to honor him… still waiting Rick]
In that same scene, several characters managed to get blood
on them. Since then, a character can’t kill a Zombie without getting blood in
their mouth and they aren’t even stricken with some mild diarrhea.
Scratch. Apparently this WAS an issue, but no longer. Last
season characters were pushing up the fence against a heard of dead, no one at
this point was worried about the location of the antibacterial soap. I’ve seen
characters pretty much cuddle with Zombies just to get a knife in their skull.
Yet no one has been infected by a good fingernail to the armpit.
Slow Zombies can’t getcha with a scratch or a good bloody-flesh
wound. Okay… logic changed again.
Also I quickly need to bring up the strength issues. Zombies
aren’t strong enough over power 12 year old girls but can manage to open your
stomach in a single tear. Let’s pick a standard.
Now we have issues like driving a new 2013 car after a 2010
apocalypse, everywhere you go lawns are mowed, every house they enter was just
dusted, Daryl won’t give up that slow-ass reloading crossbow. But that’s not
the main issue.
Here’s my MAIN issue.
When are the Zombies, the same Zombies the show is named
after, going to be the actual villains?
I’ve sat through some crappy story-lines waiting for the pay
off. I’ve watched 3 episodes of sappy drama to one mildly story-changing
action. I’ve watched them
introduce characters just to kill them off episodes later. And now I’ve seen the latest of
villains introduced in the last Season Finale. Another mild-looking Caucasian
male.
Forget the graphic novel I haven’t read, or the playbook you
took from LOST. Let’s focus on the name again. The Walking Dead. Shouldn’t
these guys be the true villains? Shouldn’t they be the ones people fall asleep
fearing? The show has made them at the same nuisance level as the homeless
people at the Santa Monica Pier.
The name dammit… the name! Imagine if Alfred Hitchcock gave
us a movie called The Bird based on a group of people who couldn’t get a long
and started killing each other, while a bunch of inconvenient birds kept
pooping everywhere.
I am begging you to stop focusing on the novel. Obviously it
has no biblical standards due to the characters you’ve killed off that were
still prominent in the comics.
Make it scary again. Make me freak when a Zombie appears. I
want to think that each time someone enters a house full of dead people, we’re
going to lose someone good, or Carl.
Make me love The Walking Dead again. Purdy please.
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