A few years ago I had a dream that I was living in Boise and playing with my daughters. At the time I was currently 1000 miles away re...

10 Things You Need To Know Before Moving to Boise, Idaho



A few years ago I had a dream that I was living in Boise and playing with my daughters. At the time I was currently 1000 miles away residing in Los Angeles and saw them on Holidays and extended weekends. I thought it was enough until that night. Within two weeks of that dream and waking up sad that it wasn't true, I was packing up and moved to the Potato State (Yes... I know it's the Gem State).

I've adapted moderately since the move. I almost have winter clothing. I bought a 4x4 SUV, I've manage to surrounds myself with the local actors, artists and awesome people. I even met an amazing girl who thinks I'm funny. 

Weird. 

But adapting isn't easy. It's a daily challenge. If only someone could have let me know a few things in advance... so I could have prepared. 

So if you just woke up from a dream that is going led you to a journey to Boise, Idaho... here are 10 things you should know.  (It was going to be 11, mentioning that the BSU Bronco fans here are all Bandwagon fans... but really... isn't that everywhere?) 

1. Boise has no sense of urgency. 

Whether it's traffic related, construction, food, whatever. Don't expect something in a hurry. When a stop light turns green be sure to allow the 18 second delay for Neurons of the drivers ahead of you to ooze like syrup through their Central Nervous System and make their foot slowly press on the accelerator. Then clinch the wheel firmly as they crawl their way to the next light, or down the interstate.

Road construction is just a permanent fixture. In LA, you'd see workers on the job day and night to get a project done. In Boise, get used to your streets being blocked off, or cones diverting you on the interstate. Just don't get used to seeing people working in those spots. 

An hour lunch just doesn't happen. The servers here are excellent and this is no jab at them. But the restaurants here love you so dearly they just don't want you to leave. Due to this, expect it to take 90 minutes to get good food. (P.S. there is actually really great food here). 

No one in Boise is in a hurry. 

2. You will drink a ton of beer. 

This isn't a horrible thing. I mean, who doesn't love beer? Maybe I can't answer that but I can tell you who really loves beer, Boise. In LA I'd have meet ups with writers, actors, and friends who'd meet in coffee houses or amazing sandwich shops. Here, it's bars... always bars. People always searching for the best happy hours, best beer deals. In turn, I've turned into a beer snob myself. I find myself constantly testing out new local craft beers, in high volumes. 

Burp.

10 pounds later I realize I now too... love beer. 

3. Boise is an ancient Native America word meaning "Land of Excessive Stop Lights".

Ever want to drive and stop every 50 feet? Move here.

4. The Further you get from Downtown, the Redder gets. 

I live close to downtown, I work downtown and most of the people I converse with are downtown. We hug trees, defend Obama, and laugh at religious zealots. But the further away the zip code from the North End, the more you'll find Fox News blaring in the Dentist offices and Jiffy Lubes. Ada (Boise) County didn't vote in their Conservative, Anti-Gay Marriage, Drunk-Driving, Asshole Governor. They leaned blue. But all the surrounding counties drank the Kool-aid and voted with their 8th grade education. If you still think Romney was the answer... Meridian (one city over) might be a better locale.

5. No one gives a courtesy wave.

Let someone in front of you in traffic... do not expect a wave. You're welcome a-hole.

6. Dating Profile Pictures proudly display dead animals and guns. 

You move to a new town, you're single, you online date. But good luck finding a girl whose profile pictures aren't littered with dead animals she proudly killed mixed in with duck faces. And duck faces while standing over dead ducks. With dead faces.

7. The sushi is moderate but there's a ton of it. 

This town does love its sushi but since it borders cow pastures... don't ask what you're eating. Just smile and say thank you. In the two years I've been here I'm still finding new sushi places. No Dragon Roll left behind. 

8. Everyone has dated everyone.

It's pretty incestual, and weird. 

9. They don't know how to Farmer's Market.

If you're looking for amazing produce you'd think this would be the place. But after buying most of my vegetables from the LA Farmer's Markets, I expected Idaho would rock my socks. But here you'll find over-priced ukuleles and odd jams. The little produce they have is over-priced, turning the Boise Farmer's Market into a place where you just show up to drink coffee and run into other people. Or exes... whatever. 

10. You'll meet some of the greatest people in the world here. 

Just that. I've met some of the most amazing people in my life in the few years I've been here. No town is perfect. No city is flawless. You live where you fit in and even though I'm still years away from being a true local, I find myself slowly fitting it.




Also, avoid a guy named Kevin Plencner, he's a real estate thief and an all around horrible person. 



35 comments:

  1. You sound like a GIGANTIC asshole. I would say to go back to LA but I love that place and I doubt they want you back. Maybe proofread your whiny, little bitch sesh next time, eh? You don't want to sound like one of us slack-jawed yokels, do you??
    Pack up your Honda Element and GTFO, yuppie scum.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hit a nerve perhaps? Do you make out with your mom with that mouth?

      Delete
    2. I didn't find it negative. It was pretty accurate... and I make out with his mom with this mouth

      Delete
    3. Ha, this attitude is why I left the great northwest for Southern California.

      Good to see you are still writing Bill.

      J. Elliott (Newshax)

      Delete
    4. Yes you sound like a gigantic a-hole. Why move somewhere and then complain about the place and the people? So go back to California if that's the atmosphere you want. What a jerk you are.

      Delete
    5. I did this because I write... and I have opinions. And, I'm GIGANTIC!!!

      Delete
  2. ^yeah what that guy said only less aggressive.

    ReplyDelete
  3. These people are a prime example of what you were talking about. Lol. I think it was spot on. Good write.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I agree with James as Well. Love it! Land of excessive stop lights. Too True! Hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  5. This user certainly wasn't in a hurry to construct a moderately-neat or decently proofread short piece.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have lived in boise the 24 years ive been alive. I love this town and most the people who live in it . I could see why asphaltandflowers could have taken offense from your article. But hate only breeds more hate theres no need for that. But seriously tho if u would have worded your article differently u could have made all the points u did but without sounding like u would rather be somewhere else with your family in a heartbeat. And i can get anywhere in boise in 15 mins. Also i drink a beer every week or so. How much u put into your body depends on the person. Not the state u live in beer is everywhere lol. But yea if u are city slicker at heart idaho isnt for you its more for the nature lover that is willing to look past the gruff red minds of the people u live with because u know that they are what is keeping the gangsters and the city slickers out

    ReplyDelete
  7. As a Boise Native, I will just say that the only thing you need to know before moving here is that this article is pretty exaggerated. I'm not saying your experience is wrong, per se, but it's certainly unusual. I suppose your perspective comes from moving from a place that's so different from here, and it makes sense that different people adjust to different places, well, differently.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Born and raised idahan love it. Best place to live and alway give a courtesy wave!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Grew up in Boise, but recently moved away.
    I would lIke to say though, that this is the most accurate way to describe Boise, ID.
    the only thing missing is BSU, but like stated, it wasn't truly necessary. I am now going to show this to people when they just aren't understanding how I'm describing "where I'm from"

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love love love this!!! So dead on and yes, I'm a fellow north end liberal that has to deal with clement Leroy (butch otters real first name) as a governor. 29 years here born and bred and love everything you said!!!!!!! Well done ­čśŐ

    ReplyDelete
  11. I found this through a friend's post. I liked some of the things you said, but it was all very negative. Do you not like Boise? Also, being rude won't get you anywhere, just saying. Since when was supposedly being right justify rudness and slander.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Making rash generalizations about an entire community's education based on how they vote is judgemental. Your the reason the community as a whole has negative view of Californians. That was ignorant and bigot'ed. You should be ashamed. The community also wouldn't seem incestual if you ventured outside your Liberal bubble, refusing to participate in the portions of society that don't agree with you is similar in behavior to The Klan, ISIS, and every other radical group that believes only their opinion is correct and educated. Your a poor example of a human being and your opinion is intolerant. If you don't like the small community feel.... Leave.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I have visited Boise and loved this town, especially the people who live in it. People are always searching for the best happy hours and beer deals. Though sometimes they act stupidly and drive drunk. My friend works in office of a DUI lawyer and have told me never to drive drunk.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You forgot one -- Boise people text and drive like no other. The worst.

    P.S.: You forgot to mention how awesome the foothills are.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Totally spot on and funny! I'm from Boise, so I know.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I am from Philadelphia and I am seriously considering a move to the Treasure Valley area. I have visited and I can say that the people were very nice and polite. The pace seemed a bit slower, but I actually think that's a good thing. Based on what I experienced, it's a great place. The east coast is congested, everyone is in a hurry and so many of the people are just nasty for no reason. When I was Boise complete strangers would look me in the eye and say hello. So strange to me, but wonderful. I made it a point to visit the Boise Metro Chamber of Commerce and even attended one of their events and I was pleasantly surprised to meet three people from my area that had moved there within the last two years. One man had just moved there within the last week.

    As far as the people you call "RED" are concerned, perhaps you should be a little more open to other viewpoints. I'm not a child so I realize that there are extremists on both sides but most conservatives are people who are just concerned about the direction our society is headed in. I admit that I voted for Obama and if I had it over I wouldn't have. He's not who/what I thought he was.

    I would very much like to see a return to more traditional values when we valued things like family and morals. You're entitled to your opinion, but part of me thinks you don't appreciate the wonderful position you're in especially considering the fact that you have children to raise. Believe me when I tell you that you wouldn't want to raise them in Philadelphia.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thank you for your insight! I have to imagine you gave a pretty good description

    ReplyDelete
  20. I am from Philadelphia also and moving to Boise in August 2016....we just sold our house in Philly at a great loss just to get out.....price of freedom I call it.
    I have a 2yo and a 3yo and cannot imagine raising them in Philadelphia , I cannot wait to get to Boise.
    The article above sounded pretty snarky, I guess different people have different views.

    (To the writer)
    Growing up in Romania during communism i can tell you that you have no idea how good you have it here(in the USA).

    Living in Philadelphia for 13years I can tell you that you have no idea how good you have it in Boise.

    Many people take a lot of things for granted and it's very sad.

    I look forward to moving to Boise and raise my kids there.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Moving to Boise from Orange County in... gulp!... two weeks. This was helpful. I look forward to less rush rush rush and less traffic. I'll try to be patient at stop lights and steer clear of the sushi. Thanks!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Moving to Boise from Orange County in... gulp!... two weeks. This was helpful. I look forward to less rush rush rush and less traffic. I'll try to be patient at stop lights and steer clear of the sushi. Thanks!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm also moving to Boise from Orange County! I'm leaving Anaheim on October 1st... kind of nervous, kind of excited.

      Delete
    2. Hello Im in Mission Viejo CA but, thinking on moving to Boise Idaho. Did you moved to Idaho? Is it better than Orange County meaning environment?

      Delete