I'm guilty of listening to a song for months, years... even decades before I actually take the time to listen to the lyrics to see wh...

Lionel Richie's Sail On Lyrics - What did I just hear?


I'm guilty of listening to a song for months, years... even decades before I actually take the time to listen to the lyrics to see what the song is really about. It wasn't until I got into Ben Folds that I learned half the song is in the lyrics. But it never stopped me from belting out the lyrics I knew of all my favorite songs on road trips. Back in 2008, while moving back to LA from Atlanta, I found a CD in my car that I had zero idea where it came from. Actors, cameramen, editors, etc all used my car from time to time so I figured it was taken from the studio one day and I was given a mix tape in return. Either way, Lionel Richie's "Sail On" was on it. I remember the song from my youth. A lovely song about boating!

Oh how I wish I was on the sea. 

I sang it for a few hundred miles as the mix tape songs all took their turn. But something caught my ear. 

"But I'm givin' you back your name, yeah, yeah "

Say what? The boat? What am I missing. So I listened... really, really listened. Here's what I found out. 

So the song starts off a little cryptic... but then again, most songs do. 

Sail on down the line, 'bout a 
Half a mile or so, and I 
Don't really wanna know, a 
Where you're going 

So now we know he's singing about someone. Probably a girl... right?

Maybe once or twice, you see 
But time after time, I tried 
To hold onto what we got, but 
Now you're going 

I have to believe now it's truly about a girl. So cool, another Lionel Richie love song. 

And I don't mind 
'Bout the things you're gonna say Lord 
I gave all my money and my time 

Wait... was that a little bitter?

I know it's a shame 
But I'm givin' you back your name, yeah, yeah 

Okay, there's that line. Is Mom and Dad getting a divorce?

Yes, I'll be on my way 
I won't be back to stay 
I guess I'll move along 
I'm looking for a good time 

So wait, now she's not leaving? He's leaving? And he's looking to get laid, like right away? No separation waiting period? 

Sail on down the line, ain't it 
Funny how the time can go, all my 
Friends say the told me so, but it 
Doesn't matter 

Oh great, even his friends knew she was shit.

It was plain to see, that a 
Small town boy like me, just a 
Wasn't your cup of tea, I was 
Wishful thinkin' 

What the heart wants in turn makes the eyes blind. 

I gave you my heart 
And I tried to make you happy 
But you gave me nothin' in return 
You know it ain't so hard to say 
Would you please just go away, yeah, yeah 

Oh snap Lionel, that's just cold. 

I've thrown away the blues 
I'm tired of bein' used 
I wanna everyone to know 
I'm looking for a good time 
Good time 

So now he wants everyone he knows... to know.... that he's single and ready to mingle? Who wants to hump Mr. Richie? Line forms here!

Woah, sail on, honey 
Good times never felt so good 
Sail on, honey 
Good times never felt so good 
Sail on, sugar 
Good times never felt so good 

So unbeknownst to me for all these years, it's about a guy trying to beat a girl to the punch in a break up, bitter, and out to get laid.

Sail on Mr. Richie.... sail on. 

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A few months back Jimmy Johns was holding a "customer appreciation" day across town. I gave in and headed to my closest location ...

Where Bad Haircuts Are Born

A few months back Jimmy Johns was holding a "customer appreciation" day across town. I gave in and headed to my closest location to grab a dollar sandwich. While waiting in line, I saw this. 


Upon closer inspection, I almost considered this to be a well played joke. Look at some of these cuts.


Were the sunglasses truly needed here?


I started to look at each one individually. I wasn't really sure what I was looking at. I nothing something about each hair cut, each model.

Let's look at a few of these one by one

We start with number 1. Apparently people don't always know how to explain to the barber "Can you please make me look like my ultra conservative grandfather?" So they had to give it a number. Not any number... it's number 1.


Number 2 is pretty much an ungrayed version of number 1. So maybe, just make me look like my homophobia, Mexican hating father.


Number 3 I was starting to notice a pattern. Not so much in the haircuts, but the expressions of the professional hair models. Are they not hair models so much as people being shamed? Have we witnessed a new realm in public humiliation? Are we witnessing hair cut shame?


No better way to highlight a receding hairline by giving you half a flat top. Again, this poor man looks shamed.


More shaming. This man looks close to tears.


Looking at this man, I'm beginning to think they stole these images off the registered sex offender's website. This man, is windowless, white van shamed.


Now number 10 I found educational. Who knew you could have your mullet professionally groomed with clippers. Mullet shamed.


Number 17 was smart enough to wear sunglasses. Still shamed, but hiding his tears... his now empty soul.


I know this face, it's after a gym shower shamming. This guy is writing a list and wondering where his parents keep their gun.


Number 24... what can we stay about him? This shaming is FABULOUS!


Number 25 is actually not a shaming. This boy seems satisfied with new haircut. He can't wait to see how it looks as he's kicking the shit out of the brown kids across down. His Pa will be proud.


29 and 30. This is why you don't talk back to your parents. This is shaming that will scar you for life. 30, cheer up buddy. Hair grows back... and your parents eventually die.


We end with 32. Probably the saddest of all the shaming. Not often can a photograph capture the emotion of the subject. But if there ever was a picture that captured rock bottom... I just found it.

So I end wondering, how old is this? Who actually has EVER walked in a said "give me a 23". Where is this photographer today? How many of these models are responsible for public shootings? 

If you know anything about this chart, or even better one of the models... please reach out and you'll be my hero for life. 


Link to the chart I found online

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Google does one thing great. Searching. When it comes to that, it nails it. Even with its geeky algorithms and page ranking punishments ...

Google+ is starting to become the new AOL of the interwebz

Google does one thing great.

Searching.

When it comes to that, it nails it. Even with its geeky algorithms and page ranking punishments that sometimes completely wipes a listing from the web with no explanation or communication, it's still a great search engine.

Even with its ads slowly blending into search results...

... or their inability to truly know porn from non-porn.

Wait.. I'm getting off track here. Anyhow, I use Google and I can kinda assume I always will. Even when they play little tricks like this-

I have two Google mail accounts. My first being my name billdoty@gmail.com. Obviously I was the first Bill Doty to get a gmail account and I quickly snagged the name. In fact, I was one of the first people I know to have a gmail account. I was pretty fucking big back then.

My other is off my domain, me@billdoty.com, which I run via the Google Exchange server. I forward my original emails there, slowly weening myself from my original gmail email. Both are accessed through Gmail, just two different logins.

When Google+ came along I quickly snagged one of those up too. Sure I fell for the Google Twitter clone and all the other knockoffs... but what if this time Google actually pulled it off. Actually competed with Facebook. So with high hopes, I did it, and I log into it now about every 6 months just to see changes, disgust... and done. It's also off my billdoty@gmail.com account which there is never a reason to log into.

My @billdoty.com email has no Google+ account. I don't need two unused social media accounts. That's just silly.

Now, when writing this I reminisce about the YouTube/Gmail account mess with made me actually close one of my YouTube accounts because I had no Gmail account to link it to. I was annoyed, didn't get it but figured Google was just being a dick about things. I've been married before and I understand what it's like to be told things that make no sense.

Now of course Google has decided you're not allowed to comment on YouTube videos until you're a Google+'er.... so my YouTube commenting days are over unless I feel the need to switch Google accounts back and forth.

Fine, enough is being said across the web, nothing more I can add.

But now there's THIS shit.

This morning Google said I had two notifications on my account.


Well, that seems weird. Sure, let's click and see. 


Sign into my Google+ account? Surely they are mistaken. There is no Google+ account associated with this email. Let's try to sign in.


Well, I'm logged in already... let's log in again


Google, you're a dirty little whore. You're now using sneaky techniques to get people to get a Google+ account. You're tricking people to THINK they have notifications... making them create an account, only to find out you're using the old AOL playbook of internet shit-biz-nezz.

So now, every day I'm going to see those nasty notifications.... knowing there's truly nothing there. And you're going to make me wonder day after day....

... is Bing really that bad?

UPDATE TIME!@!@!$!!!

So during the Redditing of this article yesterday I noticed a TON of direct traffic from Mountain View, CA. The home of Google. Today I noticed something different when visiting Google.


The notifications are now gone, in fact there isn't even a spot for them to NOT be there. The bell has disappeared. Also the link to my non-existent Google+ page is gone. 

So I just assumed this was a change across the web, but when I log into my work's Google account (Which doesn't have a Google+ page associated with it), all the things I was complaining about were still there. 

So am I to assume someone from Google personally fixed my account? Who knows. Everyone once in a while, someone listens. 

Reddit username - Doteman

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The Halloween costumes have been packed up, the leaves are falling and every store has switched into Christmas mood. Before you know it,...

The Hottest Elves on the Big Screen



The Halloween costumes have been packed up, the leaves are falling and every store has switched into Christmas mood. Before you know it, you'll be humming along to Christmas music, maxing out your credit card and dealing with hellacious traffic.

With Christmas last than 2 months away, it's time to start thinking about the season--you know the one of giving and all that jazz. While our loved ones and Mr. Clause seem to get all the attention, we seem to forget a key ingredient. I'm not talking about Mr. J.C., I'm talking about the elves. Elves are sadly overlooked, but those special creatures are the ones working all year to make sure that you and your loved ones are able to get drunk on egg nog and spill all the family secrets before the turn of the new year.

So as a token of thanks to these thankless wonders, let's highlight some of the hottest elves of our time--christmas and otherwise.

Keebler--
Ernest J. Keebler to be exact. That champ and his minions have been producing cookies inside of a tree for the betterment of the world since 1853, which let's be honest is like no time at all in elf time. But whatever, no list paying homage to elves is complete without the king elf himself, Mr. Ernest J. Keebler. Those Chips Deluxe get me every time.

Jovie of Elf--
While many may thing Will Ferrel is the true star of elf, it's actually Zooey Deschanel as the blond, emotionless, bitter elf that wins Buddy's heart. Sticking with her monotone schtick, Zooey shows us that elves have hearts too, they just need a little defrosting and shower singing.

Tauriel--
Cinema's newest elf, Evangeline Lilly, is taking on the role of Tauriel in the two forthcoming Hobbit movies. She may not have that Christmas flair and is best remembered as that annoying girl on Lost, but she certainly looks hot with her red hair and bow and arrow. Holler at her this December when The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug comes out.

Head Elf in A Christmast Story--
I'm just kidding that woman was frightening. She's what my Christmas nightmares are made of.

This girl--
This elf, she's been working hard for you all year. Actually, ok I tried to find you some solid, hilarious Christmas porn parody, which Adam and Eve had This isn't Christmas Vacation, but it doesn't have an elf. The road to online elf porn is a dark one that I recommend you travel along, so I leave you with the girl instead. Enjoy.

Arwen of LOTR--
Hobbits, Orcs, Wizards, and Elves, oh my. These marathon movies were chuck full of palish elves looking all ethereal and shit, but the one that really stood out was Liv Tyler, the half elf who eventually united the elves with man. While I'll forever remember her for her appearance in Aerosmith's Crazy video and as Corey in Empire Records, she did a pretty sexy and bang up job in LOTR. I'd give her my precious, nahmean?

What elf did I miss? Have a favorite? Is it of the claymation variety? I bet it is.

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The other night my Twitter and FB messages were a flutter, during that time I received a message from my cousin letting me know NBC Nightl...

NBC Nightly News Posted The Funniest Tweet Ever About



The other night my Twitter and FB messages were a flutter, during that time I received a message from my cousin letting me know NBC Nightly News used one of my tweets saying goodbye to Blockbuster. Though it was great to see, she TOTALLY killed my inflection. She needed more glee.

    

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Almost a year ago I moved into my new house. Beyond a few boxes and beds, I had very little furniture. That day I raced out to buy a couch, ...

How My New Coffee Table Represents Everything Bad I See In Marriage

Almost a year ago I moved into my new house. Beyond a few boxes and beds, I had very little furniture. That day I raced out to buy a couch, it was rushed purchase for me since I usually need days if not weeks to find a piece of furniture to sparks my interest. But the hardwood floors were a big deciding factor when it came to figuring out where I'd sit.

Since then I've slowly been filling my home. Kitchen table, shelving, new giant chair. Every month I get a little closer to being a real person. I'm not married, nor do I live with a significant other so not only was there no rush, there was no one helping or directing me in these decisions. I get to wait until I see that ONE thing... then get it.

So far the most difficult part has been finding the thing that brings it all together, the coffee table. I have looked everywhere for my knight in shining lacquered wood. The center to my man room. That perfect coffee table.

Last week I found a table on Craigslist that really stood out. But it was not only NOT a coffee table, it not even a regular table. It was a game table. Where in the world would I put this awesome piece? (note to readers: I don't have a game room).

But wait... if I cut the legs off this sucker I may have found the thing I've been looking for! It's perfect.

I checked with my daughter who gave a "I guess" and I called the sellers.

"We still have it"

"I'm on my way!" (please note between first contact and me going to get it was actually 3 days)

With cash in hand I drove across town giddy as a school girl. Reached their house, knocked on the door.

And here's where it begins. 

The door opened immediately after I knocked. And by open I mean less than a two inch gap where a women's face slightly appeared.

"He'll meet you at the garage."

Door closed.

I walked to the garage, waited a minute, the door opened. There I see it. The game table which actually seemed MORE perfect in person (how could this be? It's like bacon on bacon!)

A man appears. He looks slightly defeated. He shakes my hand and asks if I wanted to see it. Of course we all know how dumb that question is but strangers don't always know what to say to each other.

He immediately told me the story of how he found it. How it was at an estate sale and for him, just like me, it was love at first sight.

How each house move he quickly found a new place to display it. Each time told as if he was telling stories of his child's first step. I could see the sparkle in his eyes.

I didn't want to talk him out of selling it to me, but with that much love I had to ask "why are you selling it?"

He looked towards the door leading into his house and said "she's making me."

He said for the last few months it's been in the garage (step one to losing your things) but now she feels it's officially time to go. The smile was off his face. He tone stale.

Like a fool I told him my plans. You would have thought I was pulling the legs off his first born.

He physically stepped back. "You're cutting off the legs?"

Years of improv kicked in

"No, actually not now that I see it in person. It's actually just the size I need."

He steps back in. I look it over a bit more and say. "Would you take $60 for it?"

I just devalued his child by $20. Would he do it.

Turns out I was asking the question to the wrong person. He put down his head and said he'd check. He had to ask the person who didn't own it, didn't want it and didn't deserve the cash earned from it.

He came back a few minutes later after a fairly loud discussion was overheard by me through their garage firewall.

"She said okay."

I handed him the cash and we carried it to my car. I was happy... but there was something going through my mind.

This coffee table represents every horrible about marriage.  Here you have a man who finds something he loves. Maybe the one piece of furniture in his whole home he actually cared about. I can tell you he didn't pick out his dishes, bedding, towels, or maybe even a single item in his house. He would never tell his wife he didn't like the punch bowl and force her to sell it. Yet he is giving up something close to him, for her. And his instructions for doing so? "Take this item which I hate, and don't want you to have, and selling it for as much money as you can, or else."

You can't have this, so get rid of it and bring me a reward.

I actually got a little angry. More than I should have.

Until I got home cut off the legs, and placed it nicely in my living room.

I love it, I'm keeping it.... forever.






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In December of 1988 I purchased my first brand new car. Of course I'm guessing the month for story stature but the year I remember sp...

The 88 Nissan Sentra Stolen Tire Domino Effect


In December of 1988 I purchased my first brand new car. Of course I'm guessing the month for story stature but the year I remember specifically because of the car itself. A charcoal grey, two-door, 1988 Nissan Sentra. I almost felt like a real person that day. An adult with an adult(ish) car. Nothing was going to stop me as long as it was in the distance of my 350 miles off one tank of gas.

I couldn't afford many improvements. I dreamed of new rims, tinted windows, CD player and even a classy spoiler (can you use those two words together?). So financially I decided to keep it stock and make my $119 a month payment best I could. But a new car is a new car. I still walked a little taller.

A few months into ownership I was living with a high school friend. We had a crappy little apartment in Fresno. We both worked crappy little jobs and took crappy little classes. We stayed up late and watched COPS every second we could. We tried to talk to girls and occasionally even brought one back. Without restraints or anesthesia. We drank cheap beer and ate enough garlic bread to kill Mussolini again. It was the average 19 year old's life.

One morning my roommate walked outside to head to his crappy job when he came back in laughing. The annoying laughing were you ask "what?" yet they refuse to answer. They just stare at you and laugh more. He signaled me to go outside where he pointed to my charcoal grey, two-door, 1988 Nissan Sentra as I quickly noticed my car on a block.

Some dick just stole my front tire!

He continued to laugh until he drove away. This almost made him as much of a dick as the tire thief. Almost.

I'm not sure what my day consisted of at this point but I remember I wasn't in a rush. I went inside, said a few dirty words then casually went back out to put on my emergency spare.

Do not exceed 50 mph. Do not drive over obstacles. Do not attempt to meet women with a crappy spare on your car. 

This wasn't going to work.

My first thought... days later... was to call the Nissan Dealer who I learned was more than happy to sell me a new tire and rim for well over $200. Almost the same price I was looking at for the spoiler and tinted windows I wanted. Are you serious? The horror!!!

After much more thought... days later... I thought of something that obviously someone before me thought of as well. Why not just go steal another tire? Fresno almost seemed a breeding ground for Nissan Sentras. I wouldn't have a problem finding one. And if you think about it, there was a VERY small chance, but a chance, I was going to steal mine back?

So one night... days later... I went out with a jack and a block of wood, and I stole a white, four-door, 1988 Nissan Sentra's front tires. With success.

Did I feel guilty? I honestly can't remember. I did feel a little as if I received justice though. I beat the crappy city I lived it. You can't fight me, I fight back. I now have 4 almost good tires on my car.

I shared the story with my asshole roommate. Who laughed, a different laugh, but still annoying. Then went back into my barely functioning life.

I think COPS was on.

A week went by and I saw a black Nissan Sentra parked at my work. Normally I wouldn't take notice of such a thing but this one had a key feature. An emergency spare on the front wheel.

Well now, I didn't steal it. My victim was white. No guilt.

But wait...

What if the owner of the white, four-door, 1988 Nissan Sentra stole the tire off the black, four-door, 1988 Nissan Sentra. Due to me stealing his tire for my charcoal grey, two-door, 1988 Nissan Sentra?

What if I sparked a chain of events where there was no end? What if I created a domino effect of Nissan Sentra tire thievery? What have I done?

From that day it haunted me weekly. Only a few days would go by at a time before I'd seen another Nissan Sentra driving on its emergency spare. But the scary thing was, I would never see one without. It's as if owners couldn't keep up with the Nissan Black Market.

I did this, I started this. I'm a horrible person. Holy crap I better get some tire lug locks.

With in a few months of that, I moved to Sun Valley, Idaho for the summer. I had a job landscaping and I had a free place to stay. It was an entire day there before I saw a Nissan Sentra with only three good wheels. Did I create a global epidemic? Is the entire Sentra world on emergency spares due to my greed and/or car poverty? I'm a horrible person.

So I'd love to tell you the part of the story where the chain of events ended. Where I stopped seeing handicapped Sentras. But I don't. Today I STILL see 80s and 90s Sentras limping along on three tires. If not weekly, then monthly. And each time... I'm haunted. I'm cursed to drive the same highways with them forever and ever. In horror and shame.

So remember, next time you're driving down the road... and you see a Sentra. Look to see how many good tires it has. And if only three... keep driving, don't stop. Because if you do...

... they will steal your tire.

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Last night, as many... well all of you know... was the series finale of Breaking Bad. The first thing you should know is that I won't...

There is a special place in Hell for people who post spoilers on Facebook


Last night, as many... well all of you know... was the series finale of Breaking Bad. The first thing you should know is that I won't be posting any spoilers here. Why? Because I love humanity and their desire for self-discovery.

I, like most people, love to find things out through the roller coaster of emotions it takes to discover them. A great example is nervously watching 5 (really 6) seasons of Breaking Bad to see it all come together at the end. Sit silently for a few months, gather in what you see. They scream "KICK ASS".

When do you NOT get to do that? When some jack-hole posts the ending 6 seconds after he saw it 5 hours because you get to. Who does this? Well, I had 4 friends do this exact thing last night. over 30 people combined commented in anguish. 6 years ruined by an idiot with a keyboard.

Who doesn't understand Facebook spoiler etiquette? I see it all the time. TV shows, movies, sports scores, and so on. People have knowledge and feel they need to share it immediately knowing others just don't want to know yet.

Especially since the birth of the DVR, Hulu, Netfix... etc. People watch when they have time. They don't run to their TV at 8 to catch Mad Men, they let it run a bit to be able to fast forward through commercials. Or even wait a few days. We can't be on a schedule anymore dammit!

So please note, if you're inability to post original content on FB and are reduced to copying dark music lyrics or spoilers... please defriend anyone you know who has a brain, free will... etc. Save them from you moronic nature and Buzzfeed post.

Now... a quick note. The end of Breaking Bad could be the best series finale I've ever seen. Congrats to everyone involved. You'll be missed.

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They did it again, Graham Linehan noted that a 5th season just wasn't working scriptwise and combined with the core actors getting more ...

Review of The IT Crowd Season 5 - The Internet Is Coming

They did it again, Graham Linehan noted that a 5th season just wasn't working scriptwise and combined with the core actors getting more work than they can handle, it looked as if new shows just weren't going to happen. What do you do in that situation? The UK standard of one last extended episode.

The Internet Is Coming aired today in the UK and it was just as good as we all wanted it to be.


How did I watch it you ask? One step above a tin cup with a string tied to it. My good friend Ben watched it live in the UK, while turning his computer to the screen, and connected it to me via Skype. It was as good as quality as 1995 Realplayer but still amazing. I watched it at work and did everything I could to keep from laughing out loud, giving myself away. I let Ben's laughter handle mine. Like the first 4 seasons, laughsapalooza.

The characters picked up where they left off. No slack (just women's slacks), and it felt just as organic as before. I was hoping for more interaction with Roy and Moss but the little they did was perfect.

I feel if I keep talking, I'm going to spew spoilers so for now.... I will just say it was everything I was hoping for. I can't wait for it to air in the US so I can watch it over... and over... and over... as I do with the other episodes. Thanks guys. I will miss ya. Game over.

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Or should this be called Friends Make Friend With Beard Who Can Do A Few Bad Impressions Play Homeless Man For Views . I saw this video o...

Homeless Man does Breaking Bad impressions for Food (Fake)


Or should this be called Friends Make Friend With Beard Who Can Do A Few Bad Impressions Play Homeless Man For Views. I saw this video on Reddit today, it took me and 50% of the readers about 8 seconds to realize it was a fake. Sad thing was the other 50% who didn't. It's stuff like this that makes the internet suck. Not the video... but the dumb people who believe anything they see. The same people still worried Bill Gates is going to charge them 5 cents an email.
Anyhow, nice try but next time you try to fool the rest of the interwebs, don't do it on Reddit. They see bull and shred it with very sharp teeth.

(Edit) Here's where he's standing. So if by chance he was a homeless person, he's the dumbest homeless person on the planet. (Map)

(More Edit) Turns out the homeless man (Miles Allen) has an IMDB page.  I know a bunch of broke actors, but not too many homeless ones.

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This weekend I heard what sounded like a flame thrower above my house. It turned out it was just a hot air balloon a little off course. By o...

Did I Just Take The Sample Photo Of Instagram?

This weekend I heard what sounded like a flame thrower above my house. It turned out it was just a hot air balloon a little off course. By off course I believe it was going to hit my house. Side note, this would not be the first time my house was hit by a hot air balloon. I should play the lottery more. Anyhow, I took a few pics, one of which I sent to intagram (because it's what I do), it took a few seconds to remember intagram doesn't preview the image in the lower filter buttons. I almost instagrammed a sample of instagram.... glad my phone didn't explode.


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I was looking through old footage and I found this gem. My good friend Steve Filice and I can really hit those high notes.

Total Eclipse of the Heart Karaoke



I was looking through old footage and I found this gem. My good friend Steve Filice and I can really hit those high notes.

0 comments:

Yesterday I almost got into a fight. How close I'm not sure but a driver of a vehicle whose skills were lessor than mine was upset th...

No More Fighting


Yesterday I almost got into a fight. How close I'm not sure but a driver of a vehicle whose skills were lessor than mine was upset that I let him my feelings for him known through urban car dancing down a busy street.

Basically I was cut off, I expressed visually I was upset and was asked to pull over to discuss it.

I did.

I didn't exit my car but other person quickly ran up to my window acting like he was going to punch me. I didn't flinch or duck for cover. I just waited for him to punch me. He didn't and we began to argue.

Being 6' 4" and he being much less, I did slowly exit my car only to watch him quickly get back to his, we let each other know we didn't care for each other, I took a few pics and some video and I went along my way.

I drove home realizing I was almost in a fight. Something that used to be fairly normal to me, but not for a while. I can't remember the last time I was punched, or punched someone.

(This is actually not true, I can remember the last time I was punched and I painfully laughed in his face but that's a story for another day.)

Anyhow, I realized I'm probably a little too old for random fights. I mean, at what point am I an angry old man jumping around like a lunatic? Okay, I'm not freaky old but I'm not a 25 year old testosterone filled douchebag anymore trying to impress the locals. I'm kinda an adult. Kinda.

Anyhow. This is my note to myself to no long use physical action to show anger. No longer feel the need to knock the other guy down in order to prove my point.

To no longer be an asshole.

To quote my seldom worn T-shirt... let's hug it out.

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So this happened this weekend.

Just a Unicorn Playing Soccer with Girl Superhereos


So this happened this weekend.

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This weekend I had friends running in the Dirty Bash in Boise ID. I thought what could be more exhausting than running it? How about taking ...

Dirty Dash 2013, Bogus Basin - Boise Idaho

This weekend I had friends running in the Dirty Bash in Boise ID. I thought what could be more exhausting than running it? How about taking about 2500 pictures.









0 comments:

I love my actor friends. They keep me alive and happy. Whether we're socializing or working I can always expect them at their best. ...

Debt Man Teaser Trailer

I love my actor friends. They keep me alive and happy. Whether we're socializing or working I can always expect them at their best.


One thing you learn quickly is never stop filming until they are done. Justin Ness has a role in my new film and one of his last scenes I just let the camera go. For 5 minutes he had the whole crew holding in laughter, including me.

When that happens you get stuff like this.


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Saturday was my official first day of filming. As I was too busy to take pics or videos of anything of than the actors reading the script...

Vining Our First Day of Filming


Saturday was my official first day of filming. As I was too busy to take pics or videos of anything of than the actors reading the script. A few people took care of background stuff via Vine.



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Now in my mind I already know the answer to this question. It's an age I've already surpassed. I started to ween myself of cap-re...

At What Age Do You Stop Wearing Your Hat Backwards


Now in my mind I already know the answer to this question. It's an age I've already surpassed. I started to ween myself of cap-reversal in my early thirties. It was hard, it took dedication but I'm officially backward hat free.

But did I follow a society standard or just a personal one?

Personally, I think the firstish.

I understand the desire to hold on to your youth. It's why I don't tuck in my shirts, or still wear T-shirts sold to me at a very high price from my favorite bands. But when does that go too far?

I think a 35 year old guy walking around with his hat on backyards just might be that. This summer I've seem men of all ages wearing their hats backwards. I tend to internally mock all, but older ones gets, the more the mocking evolves to nudges and remarks to anyone around me who will listen. It just looks silly. And do I tell them? Might I be the one guy who tells them just how stupid they look because their friends and family don't have that courage? Sometimes you just don't know until it's brought to your attention.

So The official answer to the question. At what age do you stop wearing your hat backwards?

34.

You're welcome.

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Okay, this headline might be a little misleading. I mean in part due to we're only through half of 2013, and secondly... these are onl...

The Best Vines Of 2013



Okay, this headline might be a little misleading. I mean in part due to we're only through half of 2013, and secondly... these are only MY vines. But since Vine doesn't have a great format for sharing other than mobile I'm forced to embed them on my own blog and be all self-promotish.

A side note. In the Vine vs Instagram short form video battle, I'm still leaning toward Vine. But not for long. Vine seems to be stubborn when it comes to adding FB contacts, in most part because you just can't do it. Twitter contacts, sure... all day long. But Twitter is fickle with friends and you find you're mostly following people who interest you and are more likely not on Facebook in the first place. If Vine doesn't cave and integrate with FB soon it will be all over.

I will point out that I'm still upset that Instagram lost two of my Portland videos during their launch and I'm still being a pouty brat over it. I'm sure they've fixed that bug but... I'm a stubborn bitch.

So, here are my favorite BILL DOTY Vines of 2013


Fountain Biking


Shopping for Wallets

Making My Kids Perform

Kitchen Magic

Bowl of Cock

Dogs Out The Window

How To Annoy A Cat

Mayo Commercial

Driving Cat

Licking

Bryan Blasting Mexican Music

Oops, A Gay Bar

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A few months ago I was asked by friends to partake in their super awesome video. Well, it was released and like, I'm awesome in it. An...

Watch Me Get Into A Car Accident



A few months ago I was asked by friends to partake in their super awesome video. Well, it was released and like, I'm awesome in it. And they used my own voice!!! Wait....

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Like me, you've probably seen the video over, and over, and over claiming that Pixar creates all their movies in the same universe, ...

My One Issue With The Pixar Theory


Like me, you've probably seen the video over, and over, and over claiming that Pixar creates all their movies in the same universe, and how each movie starts or ends off another. Great tale, almost as good as a Pixar movie itself...

But I have one beef with this scenario that throws it all out the window.

The video claims that Bug's Life, being the second film produced by Pixar, is actually the last story in the timeline and taking place several hundred years after man has left the planet.

That of course is debunked by these 17 seconds of video.


The trailer, with electrical power and a brand new bug light. Only manageable in a world inhabited by man.

I rest my... post.

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Time isn't good to memories. Degradation combined with imagination create images in my head which I no longer know if what exists in my ...

My Oldest Memory

Time isn't good to memories. Degradation combined with imagination create images in my head which I no longer know if what exists in my brain anymore from my toddler years is even real.  I have a vivid memory as a child of seeing a UFO at a drive in movie theater.

Yup, I'm sure that's real.

I remember a man coming in our house and eating all our butter. Then my Dad escorting him out.

Sounds like a real memory to me.

I remember sheep cakes being cut open and blood pouring out.

Oh yeah, that too.

But wait... this one can actually be documented.

The memory goes like this. It was my younger brothers' birthday. Keith and Kevin who are twins. They were having a party with chunk of family. They had cakes in the shape of sheep. When they were cut open, the color red was everywhere.

I feel like I should be telling this story to Hannibal Lecter.

Anyhow, we ate sheep and celebrated another year of little brothers. I filed that away with all my other skewed memories until I found this picture.


There it was, the party. There they were, the cakes. There I was, confused. I asked my mother about the cakes and she explained she ordered sheep cakes with raspberry filling.

Uber red cake. Blood red.

There it was, an actually documented memory. I was 2 years, 2 months old. Probably sitting in my own crap and upset my brothers were getting all the attention.

No aliens came and stole all our butter. I'm still looking for those pics. Stand by.

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Last week was our table read. Next week we start filming. I'm giddy like a school girl and dressed just the same. As I schedule fil...

Table Read


Last week was our table read. Next week we start filming. I'm giddy like a school girl and dressed just the same.

As I schedule film days I can't help but chew on equal levels of excitement and fear but either way it tastes yummy.

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